A few years ago, I left home with a Bullmastiff that outweighed me by twenty pounds, and my spanking new Medicare card. Yup, sixty-five and single for the first time since I was seventeen. Instead of closing the door while I mopped up tears, I slammed that sucker behind me, and drove from Phoenix to Flagstaff, Arizona without a jacket. Not a great idea on the first of November in the high country.
Brad was the one that had affairs, but I was going to be the one to screw up Christmas. How does a wife, the mother of three grown sons, whose children had grown up eating chocolate chip cookies and peanuts in her bed as they watched Disney movies, walk out? I didn’t just leave Brad. I left my life. It had taken a jumble of courage, fear, and desperation to stay. It took those same things to finally walk away. I read a quote by Ayn Rand, “The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.” Amazing how a simple sentence can have such a profound effect.
Today, I’m proud to tell you I’m an evolution..ever in progress. Finally. And I say that with a gush of relief, and a smile of satisfaction. Sure, I still have days I stutter, step back, or plop down and grab a few tissues, but those are rare now, and more likely because I stubbed my toe. I’m terrified to fail, but more excited and determined to research, write, stretch out my stubborn hamstrings, enjoy the wonderful people in my life, and learn to dance. I love sea level, the salty scent of the air, and a sparkling view to the horizon.
It had taken a jumble of courage, fear, and desperation to stay. It took those same things to finally walk away.
Who knew my youngest son’s wife would get so excited to have Christmas Eve and Thanksgiving at their house. After years of hosting holidays at my house, I now realize it was time for the next generation to expand our family’s traditions. She’s an amazing cook – and it’s her turn to shine. I know how to choose a good wine and ice sodas. We’re a team. I roll up my sleeves, join the kids in the kitchen to clean up, and love the holidays, my family, and my life more than ever.
My life and my relationships, like me, are a work in progress. And I can’t wait to see where it all ends up. In between, I am riding the highs.