Traditionally guys hate it when women say, “We need to talk.” Now that I’m single, dating, making friends, not inviting them up to my apartment but saying goodbye at the front door, they want to talk.

I ditched the 3-date rule but find myself tripping over it because after five dates the date that brought me home last night said, “You’re confusing. Can we talk?” Here’s where the roles have changed.

I want to ask, “Do we have to?” Tell him the truth. That I had a great time. I enjoy his company, a lot. But strive for a new game plan. Intimacy before there is a solid relationship is stepping onto thin ice. You can hear it crackling beneath you. You know if it breaks you’ll get wet, cold, and hope you’re not swept away by the current…underwater, where there’s no air. By then, he’d wish he hadn’t asked.

So he asked, and I answered.

“Flings are fun,” I said. “But they blur intimacy. Sex is sex, and I love it, but intimacy is more. I want more.”

“How much more?” Wrong question, pal, but I’m on a roll by this point.

“Not marriage or a move in, but I don’t want to be a man’s Saturday night when he has another woman in his play book for Sunday afternoon.” It surprised the hell out of me when I realized that I didn’t want to clear the bench. I wasn’t there yet. We weren’t there.

I thought about the two blogs I’d recently written about when it is and isn’t time to bring up the subject of when to declare your intentions. I’d been waiting for the right moment, but then wondered, why me? Why doesn’t he speak up? Evidently, he just did. And he’s confused because he doesn’t want to wait for passion before playtime.

I won’t tell him I want his hand on my waist or shoulder or holding mine when we walk, without asking. I’ll let him know if it isn’t okay. I want to see genuine interest, laughter, or lust in his eyes when he looks into mine. I want his kiss to make me want another and another. To be honest, he’s there for sure. But do I want sex now? Tonight? Huh…more than he can imagine. But though I have great memories of a couple early-on first nights, I still feel the chill of ice water as it seeped into my shoes.

After those encounters the only way to snuggle in the nook is to pretend they want to hold you back, because nothing they say after the moment of impact can be trusted. You won’t know if he’s running his hands along your body because he can’t keep them off you, or if he’s warming up for round two.

I don’t want to talk, and have no intention of telling him that I want to hear a man say he wants me for more than sex. I want to hear that he cares about me before I put Victoria’s Secret lingerie to the test.

“I’m worth the wait, if you’re willing to give us some time. If not, I understand. I’m glad we met. I’ll miss you.” I kissed him on the cheek and went inside. Enough said. The ball is in his court.