When is it time to declare that you ARE dating others or WANT TO BE EXCLUSIVE?

Honesty in a relationship – any relationship – is one of the cornerstones of making it work. Whether that relationship is in the workplace, within a family, a friendship, or with someone you are dating, honesty is key.  But being upfront about our needs, where we feel a relationship is at, when it is time to move to the next level is particularly dicey territory to navigate when communicating with someone we are dating.

What it often comes down to is:

  •       Who says it first? You or them? Who is going to allow themselves to be vulnerable enough to say whatever needs saying first?  And how do you know it’s time?


  •       If your customary-short ‘Good Night’ kiss finds you with your hand on the back of her neck, the other arm wrapped around her, and breaks because you both need a breath, you’ve rounded first, and are headed, arms pumping, not slowing down, for second.
  •       If she’s kissing you back, it’s time to speak up. Girls don’t know if you want them or want sex only at this point. Don’t keep going if you don’t know. You don’t want to foul out. Girls know how to press the inside of their thigh against the outside of yours, or pull you towards them to signal you back.
  •        If they break a date to be with you, and you’re NOT that into them, Pony up. Speak up. Dating isn’t about hurting someone or getting hurt.
  •      If he says in one way or another, “I want you to be my girl, be exclusive, don’t want to share you,” you just rounded third base.
  •       “My, exclusive and don’t share” are the operative words here. These are possessive terms, specific and don’t mean, “one of the girls in my stable,” or that he’s good with you dating other guys at this point. It declares an intent.
  •       Don’t say it unless you mean it. It Doesn’t mean, “I want you.” That means you want home plate. Sex, but no commitment. Friends with Benefits. Okay, but clarity is key. Pay attention to your dialogue and theirs. Call for a dictionary if you’re unclear.

Gals, if he tells you he wants you to be his girl, you need to respond. A smile, or kiss him harder, or nod, or shake your head, and head to the bathroom. Be genuine, even if it’s hard. Don’t say, “Sure,” or intimate in any way that’s what you mean, if you don’t.

Don’t be a liar, a bitch, bastard, chicken or a tease. You’re on the ‘Dating Game’ field and that’s cheating. Bad rep. Lousy reflection on you.

You’re In The Game. Play Fair. Pony the hell up. Speak up. Be genuine! Or get off the flippin’ field. You’re too immature or self-centered to make the team.

To wrap it up:

  •       Somebody needs to utter the word Exclusive or My Girl or don’t make the assumption.
  •       And stop wondering what they are thinking or feeling.  Instead, own what you are thinking and feeling.
  •        Reread the “Tips to Know When It is NOT Time to Declare Your Intentions”. Reread this post. Take care of yourself, your reputation, and self-esteem.
  •        Dating isn’t about using or being used. It’s a game to get off the bench and enjoy!
  •       This isn’t Love or War. It’s dating! All rules of fair play apply.
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