Stats suggest that we leave an emotionally and/or physically abusive relationship 7 times before we leave for good. That said, there appears to be seven rounds in abusive relationship bouts. Which indicates we answer the above question with a whispered “Yes” and we try yet again approximately S E V E N times. And seven is supposed to be a lucky number? LOL
I made it out of the arena before the 8th round. No bells or applause, just the crash of one battered patio chair, the shatter as his wine glass launched into the preserve, the splash of his phone before it blinked once and sank to the bottom of the pool. But the best sound was my determined footsteps as I walked away. So…I’m going to answer that question of whether we should give our narcissistic ex another chance with how I felt that night I walked away.
“No more chances. Not anymore.”
I was the sparring partner in that arena for over 4 decades. Hindsight can be better than any crystal ball, because there’s no guessing or wondering. You know how each round began and how it ended, with you emotionally battered into behaving or believing once again that things would change. Even if they are insecure and shaken enough to want you back, believe it will make them whole, they cannot sustain it. They will eventually punish you because they know you saw that flicker of vulnerability in them.
When they cycle out of needing you, the abuse will ramp up a bit. Somewhere in time they shut off the switch that makes them capable of loving you back. Do they sometimes need you to pull them back together? Yes, for a while…It’s that arena I know better than to step into…ever again.
Once I did leave for good I found myself looking back on wasted decades of this faulty thinking. I wish better for you. They do not change. They may shift in order to fill their need or get what they want, but manipulation is not change. I’m not speaking to you from bitterness, but experience.
I’m out and past it now. Past the regret for time lost, inspired every day to love my life and the opportunities I enjoy. I’ve met new people made lifelong friends, am free to be, collecting exciting memories, heartwarming moments and loving the adventure.
My best wishes and sincerity,