When Leaving Breaks Your Heart

Leaving an emotionally or even physically abusive relationship and staying away is often gut wrenching in the beginning. I remember wondering when in the hell the knot in my chest, that made it hard to take a deep breath, would let go. In retrospect it’s interesting how as I let go of him, that knot began to let go of me. But it’s way more complicated than that.

In the beginning grab a box of tissues, stop and cry it out when you need to. It helps. Distractions, however short lived give your broken heart a break and let in a little light. So dive into a work project or take a walk, go out to lunch or dinner, call a friend and get spruced up to meet them.  At this point the tissues go in your pocket or purse, along with a wand of mascara in case you need to refresh or a few drops of Visine for the guys out there.

This process is physical as well as emotional…a bit like going through puberty or menopause. I’m serious here. Our brain manufactures everything from stress hormones such a cortisol…while we’re detoxing from the rush of the oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine cocktail it flooded us with when we grappled for crumbs along the love me, love me not trail of the abusive relationship we just left. Trying to use logic to patch up is as smart as arguing with a hot flash or telling an eighteen year old not to notice or react to sensual stimulation.

Driven by confusion and fear, the ache of regret, and a bit of survivor’s rebellion, we’re on the run at this point, so exercise caution here. You don’t want to make any new messes you’ll have to clean up. Sign up for Uber or Lyft. Be your best self and you’ll do fine. Someone needs to invent an app to prevent any ‘Under the influence’ texts or calls, too. It would sell like hot cakes. Trust me on that one. We also need to update an old saying, because death and taxes are no longer the only two things that are certain. Once you post something to the internet, you can’t reel it back in. Be careful with your phone, iPad or computer.

There is a huge upside to all this. That your heart is breaking feels horrid, but it isn’t all bad. It is also testament that you can feel. They didn’t kill that, you just numbed or smothered it to stay engaged through the painful relationship. Trust you will heal and this ability to love and feel and bond to another is something the abusive partner you left lacks and thus their future is bleak. Yours holds dazzling possibilities!

Take care! Believe in yourself. Trust your instincts. It will get better as the taste of freedom quenches the salty sting of tears  alexdelon.com

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